SUNGAI LUI

"Adakah semua ini yang ku inginkan 

 ataupun hanya mengejar dunia semata-mata 

 ku harap ku masih percaya"  

I started off right away after my MSc. I knew it by then that I want to be in education line; and I'm doing it for the love of teaching. 



 After more than 10 years, I start questioning myself. No, not about the love I mentioned before for its still there... but more about whether I'm in the right place. 




 Here, most of the people, all they care is about how many grants do you have under your name, how many awards within your grasp, how many journals and papers did you wrote in a year; even so, how many of it marked with the highest impact factor. 




Guess nobody really bother whether you do love teaching and educating the student. The closest to it is whether we can comply to what EAC says... damn.. applying thick brittle coating on the surface won't strengthen the core. It will look solid on the outside, but hell yes, if you knock it on the right place, it will fall, crumbling apart.



 Hah, i don't know why I'm jotting this down on the first place. Maybe its just me... or maybe its something bigger, beyond me. who knows. who cares?

35 weeks and anxiously counting.

Salam to those who do drop by my humble blog. I'm 35 weeks expecting...and anxiously waiting for the day, inshaAllah. InshaAllah, its going to be a baby GIRL as much anticipated by everyone in the family. Ibu pun adalah excited ok, its been ages since we last shop for all the cute dress. Well, of course during previous years ada beli utk kakak, but she outgrown all those dresses now and are more to early teenage kinda style nowadays. *sudah besar, tak kan masih mahu pakai baby doll dress* My hospital bag is packed and ready in the car, in case adalah mahu terbersalin during office hour ke apa. But the three previous experience, semuanya start in the middle of the night. Masa time kakak, start sakit in the middle of the nite, sebab anak first, adalah menggelupur terus pergi hospital just to find out that the opening is only 2cm. Masa Ajmal pulak, my waterbag broke at about 2am tapi tak sakit. The same thing goes for fateh.. waterbag broke at 2am without any contraction. Yang no.4 ni tak tau lah lagi macamana. Harap Allah permudahkan. Ameen. Baju all baby stuffs mostly is ready, sedikit sebanyak. Bottle warmer dah request dgn anak-anak angkatku supaya diaorang tak pening kepala nak beli apa, pandai tak ibu? I already booked for confinement home service for 1 week consists of massage, pakai bengkung, mandi baby + bertungku. maybe if it turns out well, I'll extend for another week. These days all kind of services is available, provided that you are willing to spend for it. I've come across in one of the tv program about confinement services in a private villa. The cost? almost rm15k for a month. Tu diaaaaaa..... lepas confinement boleh luruh rambut kaedahnya. hehehe... lagi satu yg belum beli adalah set bersalin.. InshaAllah nak beli set Nona Roguy. Last time I used the set, its ok.. especially the pyhtonatal. My MIL do make the ubat periuk which is use during confinement (you have to boil the pack and drink it),... but the taste.. hohohoho... to much for me laaa.. I get choked everytime I tried. So, I do not opt for that choice.. carik yg boleh telan je in the form of pills. And yesssss... we already have a name ready for the baby. Nanti2 update bila tuannya dah keluar. hihi.. OKlah, got to go. soklan exam belum habis buat nih. Nedd to settle a few things before off for maternity leave. Till then, to those who do drop by, doakan saya dan baby selamat semuanya dan dipermudahkan Allah ye.

Please understand.

ahhhh.. maybe its just me. Maybe its the preggy hormone kicking. Maybe because my back and in between my shoulder blade are aching so much off late. . . . . . . But I do realize that I tend to be hyper-sensitive nowadays. . . . . . . . Little things make me cry. . . . . . . . . Even tiny little things make me cry and sobbed all nite. . . . . . . . . Maybe because I don't really have anybody that I can pour my heart to. Everybody I turn to seems to either turn their back on me, or ended up irritates me even more. . . . . . . . . Sometimes, all I want to do is to have someone to listen. Calmly and soothingly listen, without firing back on me. . . . . . . . My back sores you know, my feet hurt you know, I do have sleepless nite you know. Even mere walking is a tough task these days. . . . . . . .. An.d all I want is for someone to listen. Just listen without judging. Please. .... .............

Preggy oh Preggy

Salam everyone; if there is any at all dropping by these days. :D So, here I am.. heavily preggy rite now. Seriously I feel like doing nothing at this point. Pregnancy wise is ok, except for the fact that my back hurts, my waist sore and my feet is aching. I've started collecting/buying all the necessities, almost completed now. Baju ada beli sikit2, the rest hand over from abang fateh. hehehe.. Dalam pada tak larat tu, rezeki anak sangat murah, Alhamdulillah. My dear hubby got a new job not too far away from home. At least now he can commute back weekly easily than it was before. Cuma maid je belum 'order'.. need to work on that asap. ajmal and fateh are turning 8 and 3 this month. Sorry la dear darlings ibu, can't afford to throw a party for both of you. Wiken lepas masak sambal udang pun rasa mcm nak pitam. Work wise, well.............. who wants to mention about work here. But I do plan to apply for earlier leave. Macam ada kemungkinan nak bersalin awal je ni judging by the 2 previous experience. Cuma kakak je yang keluar on time. Agak pening juga memikirkan yang aku ni nak bersalin time hujung tahun masa cuti sekolah. With all the three kids around the house, agak chaos juga nanti. Better for me to think of something. Rasa macam nak send them off to nursery je at least for half day untuk mengurangkan kadar chaos. Or just send ajmal and fateh? coz we can use kakak for free labor at home. hehe.. ermmm... ada banyak nak pikir nih. I'll start by going to the pantry and get some cold drinks to get me started. heh!

DESPERATE

Well.. where do I start? Lets begin with something nice. Last few months the government announced about the salary increment for those in govern. sector. That's good, considering I'm a minah kerja gomen makan gaji tiap2 bulan. So this month's salary we got all the backdated increment. Well, that's super good. The not so good news is, we are about to hire a full time maid. Now that's rm7-8k out into the air.
Why? because I'm desperately in need of one right now.

You see, I'm the mum and the dad of the house most of the time since dear hubby is working in the east part of Malaysia. I already have my hands full with those 3 kids, juggling between work and trying to run errands as smoothly as possible. Long gone were the days when I was so fussy about the tidiness and cleanliness of the house. These days, almost 80 % of everything is tolerated.

Now, I'm still alone here with the kids and preggy too. Yes, with not so mild morning sickness that struck almost the whole day despite of the name. Seriously, there are times when I feel that all these are too much to bear. I'm exhausted, I'm tired and sometimes I'm so weak, I need to shamelessly ask my colleagues to send me home.

I know, you'll say: Be patience. That's exactly what I'm doing and keep on trying to do. Believe me. I'm not complaining. I just want to let my heart out. I don't know if it makes me feel better, I hope so. I need to escape to somewhere. But where can I go? My best hope is to wait for my dear hubby to come back home soon. Really soon I hope and pray,for the kids will be having a two weeks school holiday. And me on my own, its going to be chaos.

*sigh*

TERGOLEK

Have been pretty lazy lately...
All i want to do is to lie down, golek-golek...
Since last week, I slept after lunch... ouwchh!

all of this lead to one thing.
ahh.. nanti-nantilah announce. :D

sekarang sudah rasa mahu tergolek lagi.

URGE IN MY HEART

O'ALLAH, there is a strong urge in my heart,
to be able to do what I've dream of for years now,
something which I believe where my passion lies.

O'ALLAH, there was a time when it is almost within my grab,
but somehow it slipped away,
and I have faith that your plan is the best.

O'ALLAH, and I pray to you and seek for Your guidance and mercy,
if I'm meant to be good at what I think I am,
please open up the doors for me,
for there is a strong urge in my heart.

Ameen.


note: I'm just a gal who are tired of pretending, I just want to be me.

ADA APA DENGAN CINTA

CINTA.

... and the sorrow is for me to swallow.

until one day, I'll find myself numb and won't be able to feel anymore.



CINTA.

not that I don't try to be happy and smile, but sadness always seems to find their way through.

... and the fault is my own, and the fault is my own.


CINTA.

I should've known...


note: reminiscing is the only option. :(

ATEH

ATEH.

PETANG 2 HARI LEPAS.
Ibu mandikan Ateh. Lepas mandi, ibu keluar nak ambik towel utk Ateh. Ibu panggil Ateh keluar dari toilet. Ateh tutup pintu dan kunci.Kenala ibu pujuk rayu mintak Ateh bukak pintu. Lepas tu barula Ateh bukak. ooo..pandai ye.

MALAM NI.
Ibu mandikan Ateh. Lepas mandi, ibu keluar nak ambik towel utk Ateh. Ibu panggil Ateh keluar dari toilet. Ateh terus cepat-cepat tutup pintu dan kunci. ooo... pandai ye. Tapi ibu pulak cepat-cepat tutup lampu. Menggelupur Ateh bukak pintu.

Hahahahahaha... padan muka Ateh. Petang semalam boleh la. Kali ni dah malam. Ateh silap langkah. ooo... pandai ibu ye.


note: en.mit, saya rindu kamu. :D

Just, WHY?

Salam.

Kata-kata,
patutlah dikatakan lebih tajam dari mata pedang.
kerana walaupun dituturkan dengan nada yang lembut, tapi bisa saja menghiris hati. Kerana walaupun dikarang dengan bait yang indah, boleh saja merobek jiwa.

Lebih baik dihamburkan, at least I can see its coming. :(

Dan kata-kata,
pernah membuat aku jatuh cinta dulu.

STILL

Still Missing You..

Well, its already mid of Jan. Time do flies, in fact these days it is faster than many of us anticipate.. UNLESS, yes.. unless when you're missing someone. Then time might somehow become so slow. But then again, sometimes it happen both. *sigh*

Last two weeks was rather hectic. The weekend was well spent. Saturday we were off to Aufa's aqiqah in Puncak Perdana. Such a big boy now! Sunday was even busier. we start off the day by sending my BIL to UniKL in Alor Gajah. Right after that, memecut ala2 too fast too furious ke PD for our BBQ di tepian pantai.
We enjoyed the beach, got on the banana boat for the first time in my life. Kids get to play korek2 pasir and bermain di gigi air. (seriously, memang literally gigi air..hahaha... sian dorang, boleh mandi laut tapi tang yang paras buku lali je). we reach home when its already past 9 pm.

Well, that was the fun part. THe 'not so fun' part is that the next day fateh got high fever and it managed to keep me 'on standby' the whole night. It lasts for several days. Huhuhu... so much of the 1 day fun rite?!.
Ahh.. tiba2 hilang mood pulak. Someone knock on my door reminding me of the never ending 'work' story. Better go.

Hati ini di seberang laut.

Sometimes,
no matter how tired you are;
no matter how much your body is aching;
no matter how sleepy your eyes might be;

Deep in your heart you can't help but missing the one that you love. You miss him/her so much, its pressing your chest you feel like its hard to breathe.

Right now, my chest, it feels like it behold a ton of concrete on it.

Yes, I miss YOU. A lot you know.

entri Sengal

Salam. Sudah tahun baru. InshaAllah, I will try to reduce or if possible totally eliminate my one not so good attitude. It's a secret though. It should be a jihad within myself.

Shafiyyah is now in year 5. Besar sudah my little gal. Skrg pegi sekolah wearing pink and maroon sbb dah jadi pengawas buku teks. hehe.. ib do found it a bit funny... sori kakak. :P

Ajmal is in year 2. I've been thinking of moving him to i-musleh. Need to consult dear hubby bout this asap.

Fateh is still a one happy and kelasakan little tembam boy. Ibu loveeeeeee my tembam baby! sangat lasak ok, panjat sana sini, bencot dahi, berdarah bibir; but still very adorable dan ke'masam'mannya adalah soooooo sedap.

Mama is here now, her ankle is getting better, just have to take extra caution not to let my tembam baby step on her feet. :D

Me, well... what can I say. Most part of me is still me buuuuuuuutttttttt...


here's the problem. And it's all my dear hubby's fault!
Since for the last couple of weeks I've been eating like tak hengat, now I'm TOTALLY TEBAL!!!! front view, side view... so annoying. Yeah..yeah.. I know I'm 37 this year but still; LEMAK yang tebal? oh no!!!!


SO, Hence the aerobic class tomorrow. Lunch hour. Lepas aerobic melantak nasik. sigh!